Last weekend my sweetheart and I took our kayaks up to Squam Lake in New Hampshire to paddle on the idyllic water. We put our kayaks in at a rather obscure launch—no one was parked there—which allowed us to take our time.
Just as we landed, a jeep rolled up with its large boat in tow, and the driver started to back up toward us. Given how quiet the area was, I felt annoyed that the moment we showed up was, OF COURSE, the moment someone shows up with their big rig!
A woman did say hello and warned her friend that kayaks were in the way. I mumbled a response and didn’t meet her eye.
We were barely able to remove our kayaks when he proceeded right in, unhitched the boat, and promptly parked in such a way that we couldn’t load our boats or easily move my car. Now I was quite nonplussed. They sped off in their boat, and we were left to rearrange ourselves.
The episode, and the energy of it, stayed with me for quite a while. I don’t often have “rude” encounters with “entitled” and “inconsiderate” people, and I’m certainly not accustomed to being ignored when I make an effort to accommodate someone.
It threw me off.
I thought about it. I thought about my own energy—my annoyance. From that place I assessed the situation, made assumptions and judgements about it, chose my response, and stewed.
How quick I was to assume “rude,” “entitled,” and “inconsiderate” behavior!
But was that true?
Maybe they were just focused on their own agenda (as was I, for that matter!) or maybe they were late to a rendezvous.
What if I had dropped my annoyance, taken a breath, looked at the woman, said a kinder “hello,” and politely asked, “Could you give us a moment to move our boats?” Or, “Could you give me a moment to back out my car?”
So, here are my lessons:
Lesson #1: Perhaps my initial assessment was accurate, but I didn’t test it. He was backing up fast. I assumed he was being aggressive. Then I judged him to be rude and entitled. Was that fair?
My lesson is to remember to test my assumptions. Don’t be so quick to judge, because I might be right, but—especially when I’m not coming from a centered place—I could be very wrong!
Lesson #2: Perhaps my reaction to behavior I judged to be inconsiderate was justified, but that’s not the point. What mattered was—who am I choosing to be in this moment? I was not choosing to be loving. We did accommodate them, but I didn’t do it with love in my heart. Had there been love, I wouldn’t be sharing this story today!
My lesson is to remember to choose LOVE. It’s a tall order sometimes, but catching the small stuff—like this episode—helps build muscle for when it REALLY COUNTS!
Being careful with the assumptions and judgements we make and choosing to respond with love from a place of peace are two of the most important contributions we can make to our world. I fear these values are not “du jour” in many circles today, but I hold them as ageless, and I hold myself accountable to them.
And this vignette was a timely reminder!