A Facebook friend made a post today that she called a “Social Distancing Mental Health Check-In." It had a column of hearts in different colors, ranging from purple to black, representing “I’m doing great” to “I’m in a bad place right now.” A quick look at the dozens of responses showed most people doing OK to struggling.
As I looked at the colors, I reflected on how, during this near year of serious social distancing, I have flowed between these different levels. Even as a fairly and fortunately mentally steady person, there have been enough days when the orange heart (struggling) has described me best.
I’ve been mindful that on those more difficult days it feels like I’m picking up the energetic drag from our collective consciousness, as we all grapple with isolation and the sadness it can bring.
Two weekends ago two wonderful girlfriends and their doggie came to visit. Besides my sweetheart, this was the first social occasion I had with people in my home in weeks, and this after much vetting!
We went back and forth, trying to discern how many “degrees of separation” in our contact with others were sufficient to assess we were keeping each other safe. I moved some appointments. I made sure I basically isolated—with the exception of trips to the grocery store—for two weeks prior.
But then my neighbor came over to jump my car’s dead battery one chilly night. We were outside. We distanced. We didn’t wear masks. The transaction was all of five minutes. Safe? Unsafe?
Fortunately, it turned out to be safe. Two weeks later and all three of us are well. And I’m so thankful to have had their living friendship in my house for two days! A score for mental health!
But I’m becoming aware of how I seem to be losing my talent for being with people for extended periods. It’s so rare, now! In the meantime, virtual contact has become de rigueur. As thankful as I am for it, I don’t want to accept this as the future of our social lives. When I think of all the “kids” (you know, age 40 and less) and what this portends for them, it makes me hope we will return to “the good old days”.
But time only moves forward. That forward march brings inevitable tests and initiations, both personally and collectively, and we are all—including our precious children—in the middle of a big multi-leveled initiation right now.
In this test of social distancing, how do you sense you’re being invited to grow? What can you do differently, or better?
Many readers are familiar with my annual exercise of identifying Themes and Ways of Being for the year ahead. Two of the themes I chose for 2021 are in direct response to this test: “resilience” and “graciousness".
Resilience addresses my relationship with myself. It means being steadfast and discerning carefully what is true for my life and what of our collective cultural/social consciousness I choose to embrace or block. It means being attentive about filling my joy bucket and building stamina.
Graciousness addresses my relationship with others. In this time of conscripted access to friends, associates, groups and favorite activities, I see how it exacerbates both the strengths and weaknesses of my closest relationships. I am being called to more patience (I’m not always successful, I confess), forgiveness, and thoughtful candor. Because this is hard for our loved ones, too!
Wherever you are on that range of colored hearts today, I wish for you strength and forbearance. I wish you “coeur (the French word for heart)-age” in your initiations! And time to nourish joy.
Name what you think this test is about for you, and make it work. Remember, pressure is the magic that creates a gem!